Things that happened

Things that happened when you left Zombiedaddy alone with a pair of twin toddlers and a 6-year old for couple of hours. Before I continue, I must first say that I’m fairly experienced and happy with the idea of spending half the day or half the night alone with my daughters while Supermama goes to the gym. I know some fathers out there would rather die before they let their wives leave them alone to care for the little ones even for only a couple of hours. They would come up with thousands of excuses just to get away from doing the chore. Well, these are smart fathers who know that spending a day alone with toddlers can put tears in your eyes. I am one of the few brave fathers who’s willing to stay home with the kids for some quality time. The truth is, I don’t have a thousand excuses. I maybe have 10 excuses but I had practically used them up long ago, and it's not working on Supermama anymore. So, quality time it is..

Quality time here means playing, crying, screaming, jumping, eating, vomiting, pooping (a lot of pooping), dancing, some more crying and finally, sleeping. So before I digress further, these are the things that happened last night when Zombiedaddy was left alone with his three angels:- 2-year old twins (Raina and Raisa) and a 6-year old (Nuha).

1. Roti kaya for dinner – What’s more delicious than a healthy balanced meal? Roti kaya of course.

2. Vomit on the kitchen floor – Stop jumping Nuha. Sit properly and eat your dinner. Stop jumping Nuha. Stop coughing Nuha. Run to the toilet Nuha. Ok. Ok don’t cry, Abah will wipe it. Don’t come here Raisa. There’s yucky muntah here. Don’t step on the muntah, Raisa. Ok. Ok don’t cry, Abah will wipe your feet.

3. Roti kaya on the sofa – when i said on the sofa, i mean more like splattered in hundreds tiny pieces all over the sofa. Wait! what’s that on the TV screen? Sadly yes, it’s kaya too.

4. The push, the bite and the double whack – Raina was playing with the toy binocular. Raisa then came and tried to snatch it away by pushing Raina. Raina was a little pissed so she bit Raisa on the upper arm. Then came the double whack, on both sides of Raina’s head. Gangster jugak budak Raisa ni. Stop crying Raina.. show Abah mana sakit?

5. Dancing with Barney – Ok Ok everybody sit down, Abah will put on Barney ok. Now both of you can dance. Wei! Barney doesn’t dance like that lah. Stop turning around like that or you’re going to hit.. alamak! hush hush it’s ok it’s ok. No benjol pun.. tak sakit kan.

6. Can Vaseline be eaten? – I don’t know but I surely hope it can. Because a lot of it was smeared on the twins’ faces including the lips, the teeth and the tongues. All this while Abah was in the bathroom giving Kakak Nuha a shower for like 5 minutes.

7. Brushing Raina’s teeth twice – Well, they look the same. I thought I got the right girl. Guess I was wrong. Seems like Raina got her teeth brushed twice.

8. Sleep time – Everybody into the room now. Raina Raisa no jumping on the bed ok. Abah’s going to switch off the light now. Nuha, no reading in the dark! Everybody lie down now. Eh! What’s that sound? That’s Jimbo looking for little girls to eat. No more noise ok. aaaaaahhh.. everybody sleeping already. This is the best time of the day. Now Abah can read the paper, watch the TV, eat.. maybe I’ll lie down for a minute.. so cozy here.. zzzzzzzZZZZZZ

Jimbo the Evil, Bloodsucking, Scary Monster of a Cat From Hell

We have a cat. No, we actually have three cats. One is named Amore or more affectionately known as Moq. The other one is called Bee. The last one is Jimbo the evil, bloodsucking, scary monster of a cat from hell.

Actually, he’s not evil. I don’t think he drinks blood. He doesn’t look scary. And I’m quite sure he wasn’t spawned in hell. In fact, he’s more in between cute and smelly, rather than monster-ry.

The thing is, cute and smelly cat can never get a pair of toddlers to lie down quietly during bedtime, tuck their heads under the pillows and close their eyes. BUT an evil, scary monster cat always does the job, every time.

At least that’s what I told Raina and Raisa, when they are jumping around the bed, dancing and singing like drunken footballers, pushing and pulling each other’s hair, when they should be lying down quietly and sleep because bedtime started like half and hour ago and ZombieDaddy has not had his dinner yet. That’s when Jimbo starts making scary noises and evil grunts looking for little toddlers to eat and to take back to his monster lair deep in the dark jungle at the bottom of the fiery hell. Sometimes Supermama chipped in with her version of evil Jimbo although hers sounds more like a Chihuahua having chronic diarrhoea.

But hey! it works! No more little toddlers jumping around. Instead, There are two little toddlers huddled under their pillows being very quiet. They are probably closing their eyes now. Very soon they’ll be off to la-la land.

Goodnight Raina. Goodnight Raisa. Abah is going to have his dinner now. Don’t move a muscle ok. We don’t want Jimbo to come in and take you away, right! Sleep tight…

Thought I saw Raina was shaking a little bit. But it’s okay. She’ll get over it when she’s 6 or something. Isn’t that right, Nuha?

I Love My Rabbit Teeth

There are so many ways for a 6-year-old to get down from a dining chair apparently. One method, the one that ZombieDaddy and most parents like very much is the graceful way, where the  said 6-year-old would slid her legs down, lift up her butt and walk away.. quietly and gracefully. But graceful is a big word that most kids, or more specifically this particular 6-year-old can’t yet comprehend let alone relate to. She preferred a different method. She called it the fly-like-the-wind way. I called it the scared-the-poop-out-of-me way. Because it did scare the poop out of me seeing her slid off her legs one at a time over the back of the dining chair, teetering for a second on something that could topple over anytime, then jumped onto the floor and walked away. And it wasn’t graceful at all, that is unless you are a blue elephant, have 4 wheels instead of legs and live on a scary planet called Jungle Junction with a pink pig as your best friend.

But you’re not a blue elephant on wheels. That means getting off the dining chair the way you did may have its side effects… like falling and getting hurt and having the chair fell on you.  That’s exactly what happened the other day. It started with a scream. It always starts with a scream in ZombieDaddy’s household. This time Supermama was partly to blame as I was told in between sobs and incoherent yells, that some teasing took place that led to the screaming. If I got it right, it started with some teasing, then there was some screaming coupled with some crying, then there was some flying or more like falling followed by the chair also falling and hitting you on the lips. Then there was some bleeding, more screaming, Abah yelling, chair blaming and two loose front teeth.

We have to take you see the dentist. [sobbing started again]. She might have to take the teeth out. [sobbing turned to crying]. It’s not going to hurt. [more crying]. It’s only baby teeth. You’ll grown a new set of teeth. [still crying]. Why are you still crying?

I love my rabbit teeth, Abah!

p.s The dentist advised us not to take the teeth out, but to wait for a couple of weeks. Because in many cases like this, the milk teeth might ‘tighten’ back. Nuha might not lose her rabbit teeth afterall.