Woodward’s Baby Infrared Thermometer Dies at Age 4

In the news today..

Hulu Kelang Friday 20 November 2009; The Woodward’s baby infrared thermometer, the thermometer which was reputedly one of the most important members in the ZombieDaddy household, died on the dressing table of a noisy little house in Lembah Keramat on Thursday. The cause of death has yet to be determined, but sources close to the family suspect it was exhaustion with a high probability of physical abuse. The Woodward’s thermometer was less than four years old.

The Woodward’s thermometer spent much of its life trying to convey the truth to everyone that asked of it. It not only gave honest accurate temperature readings from the ear, it also can be used on the forehead and other parts of the body. "It never complained," said ZombieDaddy. "Supermama, Nuha, the Twins, it took the temperature of them all. It even took the temperature of the table, the floor and whatever else Nuha and the Twins pointed it at."

The Woodward’s thermometer was welcomed into the home when the family’s firstborn was about a year old. As a result, the thermometer was also made to double up as a toy for the toddler. A few months after being unpacked, the signs of tension began to show: The stand that came with the packaging was misplaced and never found. Looking back on it now, said a source close to the family, it was clearly a sign that the thermometer won’t survive for long.

The beginning of the end for the thermometer came when the Twins were born about a year ago. It was used almost on a daily basis. When the parents detected a warmer than usual feel on the Twins, the thermometer was employed and made to work every half an hour. As a result, the Twins grew fond of the thermometer and identified it as their favourite toy. They played with it, hugged it, kissed it and maybe gave it little bites with their newfound teeth. 

You can’t see much here but the thermo is practically covered with bite marks and drool

Despite its often drool coated condition, the thermometer never failed to keep on churning one accurate reading after another. Day in and day out the thermometer took the temperatures of the family, the wall, the floor and all the furniture in the house. "It was a hard life, and a thankless one," recalls a grandparent. "But without that little guy taking accurate temperatures everytime it was needed, I’m sure the parents would have had several panic attacks and won’t be alive today." The grandparent then offered to show this reporter the 359 pictures of the twins and their big sister that she keeps in her purse. There were no pictures of the Woodward’s thermometer though.

The end for the thermometer came last week when the Twins feeling much healthier, played a game of “I can knock it on the wall harder than you can” with it. While being made into an imaginary hammer, the thermometer gave out and unusually long beep. ZombieDaddy, in the room at the time immediately knew something was wrong. “There was an eerily long beep then it went blank. The poor thing just blacked out”. When asked about the last days of the thermometer, ZombieDaddy replied, “Towards the end, the thermometer took forever to read temperatures and most of the times it would give out ridiculous readings. But it was a good thermometer, a brave thermometer that survived years of abuse by the hands of three happy young girls”.

Raisa taking the temperature of her cheek

Raina wondering why there’s no beeping sound coming from the ‘hammer’ anymore

A memorial service will be held for the thermometer sometime next week to bid final farewell to the loyal and obedient worker. The family informs that, in lieu of flowers, they are accepting donations for a replacement infrared thermometer.

ZombieDaddy was heard saying "Life must go on”. There was also some garbled noise in the background that after being digitally analysed in the computer can be interpreted to be “Abah, are we getting a new hammer that beeps?”