Father of Two Girls and a Pet Tiger

As of last night, I was officially the proud father of 2 girls and a pet tiger. This new status was imposed on me by the pet tiger herself as we were watching Dibo the Gift Dragon on TV with my other two real daughters.

It caught me by surprise. I was looking after Raina & Raisa who were at that time glued to Dibo when suddenly there was a growl coming from very close to my right ear. The growl got louder almost turning into a roar. I turned, and there it was the mightiest tiger in the whole world, squatting next to me.

And then, the mighty tiger spoke:

Tiger: Abah, you only have two daughters now

Abah: Eh, what happened to my other daughter?

Tiger: I'm not just a girl anymore, I'm a tiger. You have two daughters and a pet tiger.

Abah: Are you going to eat me and mama and adik?

Tiger: No! I’m only going to bite other people.

Abah: Ok then, you can be a tiger. But you still have to brush your teeth and kemas all your toys.

Hey Soul Sister

The twins are playing quietly in the living hall and you are peeling an orange on the kitchen bar. You are watching them and you are also secretly peeling the orange. Why secretly? It must be a secret because the twins love oranges more than they love Dibo. Okay, maybe not Dibo, but definitely more than, say, Timmy or Handymanny. Yup, definitely more than Handymanny. Anyway, you are about to eat your freshly peeled orange when a twin looks up and sees you. She gets up and starts to walk. You try not to panic. You stop whatever you’re doing. You look closely at her. You quickly identify which of your identical twins is now running towards you at top speed.

If it is Raisa, you will shove the entire peeled orange into your mouth before she gets to you. Then you say “finish” as best as you can when she asks for it. Raisa loves oranges, but not for eating so much. She would eat about a quarter of it and she would smear the rest over every surface she can reach.. and on the TV screen.. especially on the TV screen. She has probably made a deal with the families of ants living around the house that she’s going to feed them with oranges every time she gets the chance.

If it is Raina, you will reluctantly offer her a slice. Raina will also make a big mess out of the orange, but at least she will do so while trying to eat it. She will eat most of it and more importantly she will leave the TV alone.

You are relieved to see it is Raina. She puts out her hand, says “nak” and you give her the first slice, amazed that the whole transaction is taking place only a couple of meters from where the Orange Destroyer is happily playing with her blocks. Raina, very pleased with her new acquisition, does what every good human being would do. She walks right over and shows it to her soul sister.

"Raisa, nak ni? nak?" you hear as you quickly shove the rest of the fruit into your mouth… and hide behind the fridge.

Note: This photo has nothing to do with oranges.

Life With Twins

Last night I had an epiphany while trying to balance Raisa on my shoulder and playing some clapping games with Raina at the same time. Both were crying loudly. They just had a fight you see, over a book that seemed so interesting right now. The same old picture book that nobody wanted not half an hour ago. All this while Argentina was playing South Korea live on TV.

That’s when I realised that Twins do not obey the basic laws of mathematics. You may think that two babies means twice the work, right? No. Absolutely No!

Try to imagine this scenario. Say your wife tells you to wash a pile of dishes by dinner time. That's work. Now say your wife asks you to was two big piles of dishes by dinner time. That's twice the work. And now suppose your wife asks you to wash both big piles of dishes at the same time. That's twins!

But then again, big piles of dishes don’t cry their hearts out. They don’t mind not being picked up at the same time. They don’t poke each other’s eyes. Come to think of it.. give me those big piles of dishes anytime.

A Letter of Apology

Dear Nuha, Raina, Raisa and Supermama,

As you may or may not be aware, the World Cup will be starting in a few days time. World Cup is a big big event that only happens once every four years. And many people all over the world will stop everything they do so that they can concentrate on the World Cup. Well you see,  I am also like those people. Many times you will see me stuck in front of the TV, not moving but always yelling for no apparent reasons. And for that reasons I would like to apologise to you in advance.

I’m sorry, if I woke you up in the middle of the night with my GOOAAALLL!! scream but did not come into the room quickly enough when you cry for me. You see, they will show the replays after every goal and I cannot miss that in order for me to discuss the important details with my friends the next day. I will come to soothe you in 10 minutes ok, unless somebody scored another goal.

I’m sorry, if your milk formula taste weird. Sometimes I get confused and cannot remember how many scoops I put in, especially when there’s an important game showing on TV like Spain or Argentina.

I’m sorry, if you peed on the bed and on your twin sister because I forgot to put on a new diaper for you when I took off the soiled one.

I’m sorry, if I got very sleepy in the morning and I took you to the mamak shop for teh tarik instead of to your tae-kwan-do class. I’m sure you can still kick ass even though you miss a couple of classes.

I’m sorry, if I tossed you up in the air like I always do but forgot to catch you back.

I’m sorry, if I call you Torres, Messi and Van Persie instead of your real names because sometimes names got mixed up especially when I’m looking at the TV while talking to you.

I’m sorry, if I kiss and hug  the TV more than I kiss and hug you.

I hope you know that although it might feel differently for the next four weeks, I love all of you very much more than it is possible to love another human being, like Fernando Torres, Steven Gerrard or Mascherano. You are more precious, treasured and cherished. I am grateful every day for the gift of being your father and I could not have asked for a more perfect children. I pray that someday you will understand what happened during this time and that you will be forgiving of the many yells and oops that were made. Most importantly, I just pray that you always know how much you are loved. Now, move a bit please, and let me watch the games in peace.

Love,

Abah

p.s To all mommies out there, on behalf of all the daddies I would like to say that we are sorry for the neglect, our insensitivities and overall moronic behaviours that you’ll have to endure for the next 4 weeks. Blame it on the fever. the World Cup fever. yeah!!

Things that happened

Things that happened when you left Zombiedaddy alone with a pair of twin toddlers and a 6-year old for couple of hours. Before I continue, I must first say that I’m fairly experienced and happy with the idea of spending half the day or half the night alone with my daughters while Supermama goes to the gym. I know some fathers out there would rather die before they let their wives leave them alone to care for the little ones even for only a couple of hours. They would come up with thousands of excuses just to get away from doing the chore. Well, these are smart fathers who know that spending a day alone with toddlers can put tears in your eyes. I am one of the few brave fathers who’s willing to stay home with the kids for some quality time. The truth is, I don’t have a thousand excuses. I maybe have 10 excuses but I had practically used them up long ago, and it's not working on Supermama anymore. So, quality time it is..

Quality time here means playing, crying, screaming, jumping, eating, vomiting, pooping (a lot of pooping), dancing, some more crying and finally, sleeping. So before I digress further, these are the things that happened last night when Zombiedaddy was left alone with his three angels:- 2-year old twins (Raina and Raisa) and a 6-year old (Nuha).

1. Roti kaya for dinner – What’s more delicious than a healthy balanced meal? Roti kaya of course.

2. Vomit on the kitchen floor – Stop jumping Nuha. Sit properly and eat your dinner. Stop jumping Nuha. Stop coughing Nuha. Run to the toilet Nuha. Ok. Ok don’t cry, Abah will wipe it. Don’t come here Raisa. There’s yucky muntah here. Don’t step on the muntah, Raisa. Ok. Ok don’t cry, Abah will wipe your feet.

3. Roti kaya on the sofa – when i said on the sofa, i mean more like splattered in hundreds tiny pieces all over the sofa. Wait! what’s that on the TV screen? Sadly yes, it’s kaya too.

4. The push, the bite and the double whack – Raina was playing with the toy binocular. Raisa then came and tried to snatch it away by pushing Raina. Raina was a little pissed so she bit Raisa on the upper arm. Then came the double whack, on both sides of Raina’s head. Gangster jugak budak Raisa ni. Stop crying Raina.. show Abah mana sakit?

5. Dancing with Barney – Ok Ok everybody sit down, Abah will put on Barney ok. Now both of you can dance. Wei! Barney doesn’t dance like that lah. Stop turning around like that or you’re going to hit.. alamak! hush hush it’s ok it’s ok. No benjol pun.. tak sakit kan.

6. Can Vaseline be eaten? – I don’t know but I surely hope it can. Because a lot of it was smeared on the twins’ faces including the lips, the teeth and the tongues. All this while Abah was in the bathroom giving Kakak Nuha a shower for like 5 minutes.

7. Brushing Raina’s teeth twice – Well, they look the same. I thought I got the right girl. Guess I was wrong. Seems like Raina got her teeth brushed twice.

8. Sleep time – Everybody into the room now. Raina Raisa no jumping on the bed ok. Abah’s going to switch off the light now. Nuha, no reading in the dark! Everybody lie down now. Eh! What’s that sound? That’s Jimbo looking for little girls to eat. No more noise ok. aaaaaahhh.. everybody sleeping already. This is the best time of the day. Now Abah can read the paper, watch the TV, eat.. maybe I’ll lie down for a minute.. so cozy here.. zzzzzzzZZZZZZ

Jimbo the Evil, Bloodsucking, Scary Monster of a Cat From Hell

We have a cat. No, we actually have three cats. One is named Amore or more affectionately known as Moq. The other one is called Bee. The last one is Jimbo the evil, bloodsucking, scary monster of a cat from hell.

Actually, he’s not evil. I don’t think he drinks blood. He doesn’t look scary. And I’m quite sure he wasn’t spawned in hell. In fact, he’s more in between cute and smelly, rather than monster-ry.

The thing is, cute and smelly cat can never get a pair of toddlers to lie down quietly during bedtime, tuck their heads under the pillows and close their eyes. BUT an evil, scary monster cat always does the job, every time.

At least that’s what I told Raina and Raisa, when they are jumping around the bed, dancing and singing like drunken footballers, pushing and pulling each other’s hair, when they should be lying down quietly and sleep because bedtime started like half and hour ago and ZombieDaddy has not had his dinner yet. That’s when Jimbo starts making scary noises and evil grunts looking for little toddlers to eat and to take back to his monster lair deep in the dark jungle at the bottom of the fiery hell. Sometimes Supermama chipped in with her version of evil Jimbo although hers sounds more like a Chihuahua having chronic diarrhoea.

But hey! it works! No more little toddlers jumping around. Instead, There are two little toddlers huddled under their pillows being very quiet. They are probably closing their eyes now. Very soon they’ll be off to la-la land.

Goodnight Raina. Goodnight Raisa. Abah is going to have his dinner now. Don’t move a muscle ok. We don’t want Jimbo to come in and take you away, right! Sleep tight…

Thought I saw Raina was shaking a little bit. But it’s okay. She’ll get over it when she’s 6 or something. Isn’t that right, Nuha?

I Love My Rabbit Teeth

There are so many ways for a 6-year-old to get down from a dining chair apparently. One method, the one that ZombieDaddy and most parents like very much is the graceful way, where the  said 6-year-old would slid her legs down, lift up her butt and walk away.. quietly and gracefully. But graceful is a big word that most kids, or more specifically this particular 6-year-old can’t yet comprehend let alone relate to. She preferred a different method. She called it the fly-like-the-wind way. I called it the scared-the-poop-out-of-me way. Because it did scare the poop out of me seeing her slid off her legs one at a time over the back of the dining chair, teetering for a second on something that could topple over anytime, then jumped onto the floor and walked away. And it wasn’t graceful at all, that is unless you are a blue elephant, have 4 wheels instead of legs and live on a scary planet called Jungle Junction with a pink pig as your best friend.

But you’re not a blue elephant on wheels. That means getting off the dining chair the way you did may have its side effects… like falling and getting hurt and having the chair fell on you.  That’s exactly what happened the other day. It started with a scream. It always starts with a scream in ZombieDaddy’s household. This time Supermama was partly to blame as I was told in between sobs and incoherent yells, that some teasing took place that led to the screaming. If I got it right, it started with some teasing, then there was some screaming coupled with some crying, then there was some flying or more like falling followed by the chair also falling and hitting you on the lips. Then there was some bleeding, more screaming, Abah yelling, chair blaming and two loose front teeth.

We have to take you see the dentist. [sobbing started again]. She might have to take the teeth out. [sobbing turned to crying]. It’s not going to hurt. [more crying]. It’s only baby teeth. You’ll grown a new set of teeth. [still crying]. Why are you still crying?

I love my rabbit teeth, Abah!

p.s The dentist advised us not to take the teeth out, but to wait for a couple of weeks. Because in many cases like this, the milk teeth might ‘tighten’ back. Nuha might not lose her rabbit teeth afterall.

What Love Means..

Love means never saying “shut up”.

Because of a promise I made to her a few months ago (probably to make her stop whining), I took Nuha our eldest to the KL Bird Park last Thursday. And to make the day more bearable, I asked Nuha’s cousin, Tijani and her mother (my sister) to tag along.

In ZombieDaddy’s world, girls are the inquisitive type. They ask questions every few minutes eager for answers. And when they get excited, like when they can’t wait to reach the bird park or when they get to go there with their cousin, they ask more questions.. at a more rapid rate.

So we went. And they started asking questions the moment we left the house – as 6-year olds typically do. Here, in loosely chronological order, is what they asked:

Abah (btw Nuha and her cousins except for her aussie cousins in Perth, all call me Abah), is the bird park near or far?

Abah, is that the bird park?

Abah, why did you wave at that man in the other car? Do you know him? Is he your friend?

Abah, why do you have to buy tickets?

Abah, why do I have to wear my hat?

Abah, why is that bird not moving?

Abah, why is that bird statue look like a bird?

Abah, why that peacock not pretty like that other peacock overthere?

Abah, why now is not birds’ feeding time anymore?

Abah, why can’t I give my bread to the birds?

Abah, why is it so smelly here?

Abah, why is that bird outside and that one inside the cage?

Abah, what is the red parrot going to do now?

Abah, what is the blue parrot going to do now?

Abah, where is the eagle? I can’t see it.

Abah, is monkey friends with bird?

Abah, can we go into the shop? I won’t ask for anything.

Abah, why can’t I have the eagle soft toy? I never had any eagle soft toy.

Abah, can I have ice-cream?

Abah, are we going home now?

Abah, can we go somewhere else after this?

Abah, are we going to the bird park again tomorrow? I like the bird park.

All this in between “Abah, I need to chiing (pee) now” and “Abah, I need to chiing again now”

Nuha and cousin Tijani at the bird park

The parrots that bit the hands that fed them. Ouch!

The Gift of The Flying Ants

We love watching animals planet. Well, maybe Supermama loves watching the Asian Food Channel more, but that’s another story. We love watching animal documentaries on the telly because we get to see the biggest cat in the universe up close. It’s actually a hippo but Raisa kept on saying ‘Caaat’ with her eyes opened really wide and drool coming out of her mouth, there’s no way in hell you could tell her it was a hippo instead. Anyways, apart from the biggest cat, we also got to know about a few interesting facts about how nature works.

Did you know that penguin parents can detect their own chick’s cry from a field of hundreds of seemingly identical baby penguins that are all squawking at the same time at a distance of 200 meters? We didn’t know that too. It’s just the amazing wonder of nature. Parents of identical twins, babies that have the same DNA and look exactly like each other, can at a glance seemingly tell their children apart. People are always intrigued by this impossible feat. How can you tell them apart? they always asked. Well, the answer is quite simple. It is through the Wonder of Nature. Or in our case, it’s through the gift of the flying ants.

You cant find this on the documentary channels, but babies are incredible yummy. Not to us of course, but to the little insects called mosquitoes. From the beginning of life, when the babies were still having that heavenly fragrance, the mosquitoes were already following them ever ready to have a little bite. And then there were the flying ants. These little buggers just dropped from the sky, landed on your babies or hid under the pillow. Before you know it, you’d hear a cry, your baby just got bitten by the little bugger. And if your baby is like Raisa who’s allergic to insect bites, then you’ll notice a big-assed swelling on the area that got bitten. That’s when you started looking for the little red ant, and when you saw it, you immediately squashed it. When you saw it was still moving, you squashed it again. When it wasn’t moving anymore, you squashed it again.. just to be sure. But why then did I say ‘the gift of the flying ants’ when all I wanted to do was to squelch them. The truth is while a swelling on a baby’s body might elicit sighs and sympathy from most parents, for the fathers of identical twins, it is sometimes a Godsend.

So all this goes to say that, unless the little red ants also decide to bite Raina on her eyelid, Raisa is going to be easily recognizable for at least four days or so. And that’s how nature works.

This is Raisa, and you don’t need to be penguin parent to recognise her.

And this is Raina. Notice the difference between the two?

Search & Rescue Mission

That's what we do without fail on a nightly basis. Supermama and ZombieDaddy (well, mostly ZombieDaddy actually) conduct Search and Rescue missions every single night. Sometimes it happens once or twice a night, which is tolerable. But there are nights when it happens every freaking hour that it's making me lose hair faster than a speeding rempit. What are we searching for you might ask. What is so bloody important that we have to wake up from our much needed sleep and rescue it every single time, you might wonder. Let me show you what the culprit is..

Nuby Natural Flex pacifiers (dummies)

The twins sleep with their pacifiers. But after a while they would unconsciously chuck the pacifiers out. Then they would notice the dummies are not in their mouths anymore. This is when they would ask us to help look for them. When I said ‘ask’, I mean scream at the top of their lungs complete with tears, snot and drool, in no particular order.

You can judge us all you want, but yes we admit it! We depend on these Nuby pacifiers like the desert needs the rain or more like Shrek needs Fiona. Our sanity and survival as parents depends on this tiny little dummies.

Raina and Raisa have been on pacifiers since they were a few months old. Mind you, they are not on the dummies all day long. They more or less need the dummies only when they’re going to sleep. You know like a blankie or a special pillow, the twins would ask for their pacifiers when it’s sleep time. As it is right now we are not strong enough to say no to them because when they sleep, that means we can sleep too.

With Nuha last time we adopted a totally different philosophy. One that did not involve a pacifier. We were ardent believers back then. When the twins came, they cried a lot and they always cry at the same time. So we adopted a different philosophy, that is, to hell with philosophy. Survival instincts kicked in, Zombiedaddy and Nuby became best friends.

So, if you say anything bad about my best friend, that means you are hurting me too.

The twins being pacified

Teach me Tai-Fu

I just got a call from Nuha our eldest, asking me to teach her Kung-Fu, Tae Kwan Do and also Tai-Fu. I’ve heard of kung-fu and tae kwan do before but tai-fu was definitely not in my vocabulary. The other thing that I have not a freaking idea where it came from is that Nuha thought her Abah was some kind of a master of martial arts. I dont think I have ever done any kung-fu or tae kwan do move in front of her. The closest I’ve gotten to, was when I tried to shoo a ‘musang’ away from our fence with some fierce-looking karate chops and noisy barks. Even then I had to quickly run back inside when the musang seemed to move forward towards me instead of disappearing into the wild as it should be doing.

Anyways, being a good father, how do you react when your kid started to call you ‘master’ and asked you to teach her kungfu or tae kwan do or tai-fu? So, being a good father, what else could you do? Masters never say no. Master always say: “Yes Nuha, Abah will teach you Kungfu, Tae Kwan Do and Oh, I have to look the other one up on wikipedia before I can say yes or no”. You could hear the happiness in her voice and almost saw that sparkle in her eyes when she heard I said yes. That was priceless and worth a thousand yesses.

So now, where do I download those “Kungfu for Dummy” books from? And I wonder if I can have Tai-Fu for lunch..

This is Abah being kung-fued by his disciple

Half of it gone

So there we were somewhere inside Tesco just about done with our grocery shopping. Just Nuha and Abah doing the bonding thing while the boisterous duo are at home with Supermama doing hmm doing what they always do. boisterousing.

Anyways, Tesco was getting more crowded as more people started to arrive. And Nuha has loudly upgraded herself from “Abah I’m hungry” to “Abah I’m starviiing!”. This coming from the same girl who gulped a bowl of honeystars not two hours ago at home for breakfast while Abah had none yet. So the Daddy asked his lovely Daughter if she wanted donuts or roti canai for her second breakfast. And the Daughter happily said “donuts please”. On the way to the mamak, the Daughter bought 1 donuts on a stick and 1 big ring donut.

So there we were sitting in the mamak restaurant. The Daddy ordered a roti telur bawang for himself while the Daughter was eagerly munching on the donuts. Teh tarik for the Daddy and Milo tarik for the Daughter. Later came the roti telur bawang for the Daddy who was quite hungry by then. The Daughter was still happily munching on her donuts. The Daddy cut the roti and ate a piece..hmm nice and warm. The dal was not bad too. The Daddy cut another piece and was about to put it in his mouth when a little voice appeared from somewhere to his left. “Abah can I have some roti telur?” It was the Daughter. Maybe she liked the aroma coming from the roti and wanted to have a little taste, the Daddy thought. The Daddy cut a big piece of the roti, put some dal on it and spoon it to the Daughter who was holding donuts in her hands. “hmm nice” said the Daughter. “Nak lagi Abah” requested the Daughter.

So here we are, inside the van, ready to go back. The Daughter is still munching on her donuts. The Daddy is still hungry. Had only half of the warm nice roti telur bawang while the other half of it was gone to the Daughter. The same Daughter who had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, then had donuts on a stick at the mamak’s and is now happily munching on her ring donut on our way back from Tesco.

The Daughter proudly making and baking her own donuts.

Confession of a lazy bum

Forgive me O’ World Wide Web, for I have sinned. It has been two months since I last updated my blog. I know that I used to say I was gonna be a good blogger. I was gonna update the blog regularly, with at least one entry every week. I know that I have promised a lot of things. But at the end of the day I know that I’m just a big weak lazy bum with lazy fingers, lazier than a sloth on a summer vacation.

It’s not that nothing much was going on in the lives of our three princesses. In fact, many many things are happening with the three girls that contributed to the growing number of white hairs on Zombiedaddy’s head.

If only Zombiedaddy is not too lazy then this blog will be full with writings on the joys and pains (well mostly pains) of fatherhood.

Well, maybe it’s time to make another promise. Maybe it can be part of the birthday presents for Supermama that took place yesterday. Zombiedaddy is going to write and update this blog again, more regularly this time, with lots of stories, funny stories, horror stories, mostly smelly stories about donut monster, sandbox gangster and legend of the cry-baby.

There you go. I promise.

It was a dreamy new year celebration

2010 is here. Nuha is going to be 6 this year so I thought she's big enough to be taken to see some fireworks on new year's eve. Before this we always thought that she's still our little baby girl, too young to stay up late and wait for the fireworks, too small to appreciate the fun of seeing and hearing bright striking lights blazing up the night sky. Well maybe this year it's different especially now that she's a big sister to two loud and boisterous toddlers.

The plan was for me to take Nuha out to somewhere with an excellent view of KLCC and watch the fireworks from there. Going into the city and joining the mad new year's crowd was definitely a big hell no! I'd prefer viewing the havoc from a safe and comfortable distance. The plan was also for Supermama to stay home with the twins while Zombiedaddy and Nuha go oooh and aaahhh watching the fireworks outside. I had more or less picked a nice spot somewhere not too far from our place that had a good vista of KLCC. I didnt think many people knew of the spot so I was pretty sure we would get a nice unobstructed view. Oh, by the way, Nuha didnt know anything about the plan. We didn't tell her cos we didnt want to get her hopes dashed if the plan failed. You know it might rain or something else might come up, so better make it a surprise. We forced her to take a nap in the afternoon so that she would feel fresh and not sleepy later in the night which is way beyond her routine bedtime. So all in all it was a good plan. So good in fact that we thought it was going to be a blazing good night.

But as a seasoned father of 3 girls should know, what you meticulously planned for and what really transpired at the end of the day may not always go hand in hand. And that was exactly what happened that new year's eve night, reality had a different idea and it wasn't as we planned. And it wasn't Nuha's fault at all.

The night started like most other nights. At 8 o'clock Zombiedaddy put Raina and Raisa to bed. Bedtime doa, goodnight kisses and some offkey lullabies and off to slumberland they go. Only, on that particular night, it was not just Raina and Raisa who went to slumberland at around 8.12pm. Zombiedaddy too, closed his eyes a few seconds too long and off to la-la land also he accidently went. Woke up at 12.15am, everyone was sleeping including Nuha and Supermama. Everything was eeriely quiet. No fireworks, no bang, no boom, no lights blazing up the night sky. Not even the 'hey lets watch the fireworks live on tv'. Even the tv was switched off. I dozed off and ruined my carefully laid out plan. Good thing I didnt tell Nuha about it or she would be mighty pissed with her abah for dozing off.

So that's how new year was celebrated in the Zombiedaddy's household this year. We definitely did not join the mad new years eve crowd. We saw everything from a safe dreamy distance. In fact, we were so dreamily far away from the crowd, everything was too vague to recall.. Thanks to me.. Zzzzzz.

Kakak Nuha giving Raisa a New Year's smooch


Raisa and Raina 'We're going to be 2 this year' pose